The Dark Side of Excellence
Why Winning Isn't for Everyone
I remember the first time I watched Kyle Lowry play from courtside.
It was a near-magical experience.
As a performance psychologist thinking about how the best in the world get it done, I spent a lot of time thinking about the essence of what makes for the "killer instinct," and here it was, right in front of me.
As soon as the game tipped off, the guy was non-stop. He'd argue with refs. He'd push his teammates. I even remember watching him turn down an open 3, not once but twice, to force a younger teammate to contribute to the game. He takes charges, sets screens, and pulls up to win games.
He's a competitor unlike any other.
He's a winner.
But the thing that took it over the top for me was the next day.
I went to the gym to work out around 6:30 in the morning before anyone else came in.
Kyle had already beat me there. He'd been going for 30 minutes before I even got started, after playing 40+ minutes of a game the night before.
Now, I don't condone not resting - but it’s tough to argue with his competitive spirit and drive for excellence.
And he did it, day after day after day.
He wanted to win and be great more than any athlete I'd ever been around.
That level of drive is rare, reserved for those who are truly willing to do whatever it takes to win.
There are some uncomfortable truths to being great at what you do. To work like Kyle, for example, you have to be willing to focus almost single-mindedly on the game, even to the detriment of family or other relationships. Both LeBron and Kobe have talked about this sacrifice, too.
Last weekend, Nike released a commercial that captured the inner narrative of doing whatever it takes to win. It’s also stirred up some controversy online.
If you haven't seen it, take 90 seconds now.
This commercial captures the dark side of excellence.
These are things the GOATs feel - at least when the lights are on. When I’ve shared this clip with other performance psychologists I know, they’ve all responded with a player on their team who embodies this attitude - guys like Aaron Judge - and said this rings true for them, too.
This commercial takes it to an extreme. But it does illustrate some of what the best performers in the world have to do to get to the top. There's an element to greatness that requires shutting off from the rest of the world, at least in the context of performance.
What makes this commercial special is that it captures the "killer instinct" we look for in the best performers nearly perfectly.
What is missing is the reality that the best also know how to, basically, turn it on and off. It's what makes them elite at what they do on the field or floor and relatable or admirable to the rest of us when they're off it. It’s also why the best in the world can go right at each other for 48 or 60 minutes or more, and then immediately hug as soon as the final whistle blows.
Most of the high performers I've worked with don't really struggle with the question, "Am I a bad person?" But they do think of themselves as selfish, maniacal, and single-minded. And many of them do see themselves as better than others, or more willing to do whatever it takes. They often have a deep respect for the game itself and for others who push themselves like they do, but not necessarily everyone who plays.
This commercial mostly nails what they really think but are afraid to say.
"I want to take what's yours, and never give it back. Does that make me a bad person?"
"I'm delusional. I'm irrational. I have no remorse."
"I'm single-minded... I'm obsessive... I'm selfish."
"I'm never satisfied."
"I think I'm better than everyone else."
I've heard these statements (or close variations) from the best in the world.
Reaching the top requires this level of intensity, self-belief, and willingness to obsess over the craft.
We wouldn’t condone this mindset off the court - it’s what leads to some of the most infamous problems we’ve seen in the last several decades, like doping.
But if they embody this attitude on the court, it can lead to an unmatched intensity and drive to win that can bring real results.
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If you want to read an opposing point of view, here’s my friend Brad Stulberg’s take on what’s wrong with the ad:
Why Nike’s Olympic Ad Gets Greatness Dead Wrong - The Growth Equation
Nike released a new commercial timed to the start of the Olympics. It begins with the question "Am I a bad person?" and then proceeds to link greatness to being "deceptive," "obsessive," "selfish," "obsessed with power," "maniacal and delusional," "not respecting" your competition, having "zero remorse," "no empathy," and "no sense of compassion." First of
thegrowtheq.com/why-nikes-olympic-ad-gets-greatness-dead-wrong